From the start of our discussions on the origin of species I have been trying to get you to state clearly and concisely your stance. My own statement appeared in my very first email, but it wasn’t until you answered a questionnaire I sent you that I have had any idea of what it is you believe. Your reply on March 12 was indeed very revealing, not just for its honesty, but also for the number of mutually contradictory answers you gave! Nevertheless I have attempted below to construct a statement of your beliefs on your behalf. So, based almost exclusively on your own answers to that questionnaire, here is what you believe:
The universe and life on Earth could have started anytime in the last 13.7 billion years so long as it was no earlier than 6 to 10 thousand years ago.
I reject the absurd notion that life evolved gradually through natural processes observable today. Instead, I know as a fact, because I feel really strongly about it, that every animal we see today was puffed into existence at once out of nothing. This includes dinosaurs which humans kept as pets.
While I cannot accept a species changing over generations due to selective pressures that directly affect its chances of survival, I find it perfectly acceptable that animals could be altered as god wills it, for example snakes growing vocal chords so that they can hold conversations with humans (see also talking donkeys, Numbers 22).
This god-imposed limit on inter-species intercourse to only the verbal kind means no species is related to any other species. In particular, I reject the insulting suggestion that I share a common ancestor with apes. Instead I hold the common sense view and far more respectful belief that all women, including myself, come from the left-over rib of a man that spontaneously appeared in a puff of dust.
Finally, I know all this to be a fact because I read it in the Bible. I know everything in the Bible is a fact because god said it is. I know god said it is because it says so in the Bible. There is no disputin’ that logic. Therefore no amount of evidence will ever change my belief in creationism.
Sound about right?
Love, reason and understanding,